So Soon
by Crystal Fissure
Summary: Eli silently copes with Clare's new love as he still tries to heal from their broken relationship.


**A/N: Hello :) It's been quite a while hasn't it? Now, this story probably isn't my best, something I wrote quickly at midnight to suppress some anger and emotions. I just needed to vent about the things I've lived through these last couple of months. Torturing Eli seems to fit. xD This story samples the song "So Soon" by Marianas Trench. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, Marianas Trench or their song "So Soon" off their third album _Ever __After_. But Marianas Trench always seems to fit EClare :)**

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><p><em>You say sometimes it's like I hardly know you<br>__And maybe there's some things I never showed you  
><em>_Sometimes you're certain but just can't get it working at all_

Who bought him this crap CD? It's far from the type of music he enjoys. Yet it could be an honest mistake. He used to love this band. Their lyrics used to be gut-wrenching with the sweet melody of raw, unrefined guitar riffs and breakdowns. Now they sound too mainstream.

Not the lyrics, though. The lyrics are still just as accurate as they've always been. Fuck.

_You say to yourself somebody better  
><em>_Will understand you more than I ever_

He can lull around in his dark mind, trying to find some sort of consolation to his dampened state of mind. It was all _his_ fault, he screwed everything up and he deserved what was coming to him. Or the girl he had the misfortune of dating was a banshee and any heartbreak that emerged from this situation was entirely her fault. Or he was just a despicable scum of the earth that didn't deserve to even dream about the sheer possibility of ever finding a girl as magnificent as she who was willing to return his love.

Yes. That last one is intriguing. That must be the answer. What other explanation could there be? If she can have any man in the world… why settle for him?

_I'll shake his hand and smile and say I understand. Well, I do  
><em>_That doesn't mean I don't think about you_

There are some days when he stares at the ceiling and wonders if this is all just a product of his own twisted thoughts. All this pain he feels, the heaviness in his chest and the salt water peeking from the tips of his eyes; is it all self-induced? Are his sorrows the product of his own mind or are they real? These unanswered questions help keep his mind off the root of the matter. They entertain his fragile little mind, keeping his warped mentality at ease.

It's what he has become; a slave to his own mind, a pawn in its ruthless attempt to overtake him. All it needed were a few oddly accurate lyrics after the greatest heartbreak of all. He should simply accept defeat.

His mind has won over his sanity. He wasn't good enough for Clare. She has found someone else, someone more suitable. His actions drove her away, reaping fear into her mind. He brought this upon himself.

And she will probably expect him to shake this new boy's hand. And smile softly. And acknowledge their acquaintance with a firm greeting and polite conversation. And he will have to understand. He will have to understand why this boy has taken his place. Because she would want it.

Her wish is his command. No matter how much it hurt to do so.

_I know we said it's just as well that I won't keep you for myself  
><em>_But I don't want to see you happier with somebody else_

And what does he have that Eli doesn't? More along the lines of, what does Eli have that this lumberjack doesn't? His tantalizing simplicity is what drew her to this man. An infatuation, nothing more than innocent puppy love. He is any other average man. She can't be happier with him. It's impossible. It wouldn't work. It wouldn't make sense.

_I know it seems beneath me  
><em>_But sometimes it's not so easy to wish you well and let you go_

He caressed the mouse in his hand as he stared blankly at the screen before him, mindlessly pulling up old pictures. Pictures of her. Memories. Dead memories. Memories of a time when he had the world in his hands.

When she left, it felt as if the world had ended for him. He received reassuring advice from friends and family, saying that time heals all wounds. Eli could never be sure of what time had done to his heart. He didn't feel healed after so long. He simply felt numb. As if every memory was just a dream. Just a distant dream.

And where did these dreamlike pictures come from? The ones with caramel curls in the summer air? The ones where he twirls this nature nymph as she dances to the music in their heads? The ones where his smiles are so wide and prominent, they almost seem real?

He closed the screen and sighed. It's useless to keep photos of a dream that never happened. But it's hard to throw away memories of a time when dreams became reality.

Or maybe, it really is just too soon.

_Why can't you just be lonely?  
><em>_This just feels so soon…_


End file.
